Do I have to be awake?

Friday night the phone rang. It was Val and she was crying. There had been an accident. They were swimming and they were hit by a train, Jake was life flighted to the hospital and they can’t find Tanner. Call everyone and tell them to pray. And she hung up. 

What?

I started making calls and we knelt to pray. Rob was the voice I think. Maybe not. 

Then a text. He died. 

......

Numb, shocked, sick, sad, angry, worried, grateful (for God’s great plan of happiness), anxious, 

Hugged my kids tight. Knelt to pray. Made flight arrangements and packed then lay in bed waiting for the alarm to go off so I could go to the airport.

I almost didn’t get on the plane. My jaw was numb, my chest hurt, my bowels were a wreck (TMI)...maybe if I didn’t go it wouldn’t be real. 

But I did. And it was. Ethan came with me. Rob stayed home to get some things set and taken care of. He arrives tomorrow. 

And now we sit. We mourn. We sweep things up and wipe things down. We make food and run errands. The family gathers and we all cry. Prayers are said. Sometimes we laugh at something and then the somber feeling lifts for just a second until it crashes back down.

I can not write of the sacred, some sweet, awful, tender, heart-wrenching, poignant, difficult moments.
There is no time to sleep because there is “stuff” to do, and hugs to give, and tears to wipe.

My sister and her family and strong. They are gracious and kind even in their grief.

We know that our lives will never be the same and we will always miss him. At the same time we are grateful for his light, his goodness, our knowledge of the plan of salvation and knowing where he is now. Christ’s faithful disciple has been called back to work at the Savior’s side.

Love you Tanner